Have you ever noticed when some people (often famous) talk about the things in their lives that shaped them or made them who they are today, it is often done with great reverence and respect for what the experience taught them? Sometimes, the situation they are describing is quite horrific making us wonder how they survived much less managed to forgive and move on.
Yet, these people are not resentful, angry or otherwise bothered by the situation life threw their way. In fact, often they publically recognize that it was those horrific circumstances that helped them become the person they are today and in the end they are thankful for it!
Thinking about your own experiences, what kinds of things shaped you into the person you are today? What situations in your past forced you to grow and changed you forever as a person? Was it all the wonderful breaks you were given, the silver spoon or other lifts up you received throughout life? My guess is it was not.
Most often it is the challenging situations, humiliation, traumas, toxic or dangerous relationships that actually help us grow the most. The trick with this growth seems to be our ability to move past the emotion and allow the learning to take place. This means putting aside the bitterness, resentment, hurt or desire for justice and focusing instead on how we can heal.
If we can taste bitterness when we share our story, or feel waves of regret about how we wish it had turned out, we are still holding strong to the emotion of the experience and not allowing personal growth to occur. It’s like we are jabbing a fish hook and line into the cheek of the story every time we pull it up, leaving us with a secure tie to the feelings and many frustrations as to why we can’t let go and move on.
The truth is, the “famous” person, is often well known because he or she has dealt with major challenges and despite the odds overcome them. Of course, not all people who overcome their challenges will be (or even want to be) famous, but these kinds of stories do fascinate us and with social media the way it is, these stories of resiliency can get press time mighty fast.
So I challenge all of us (myself included) to remember this the next time a challenging situation comes our way and do what we can to take the learning and move on. If you want to give this a try here are a few things to keep in mind:
- Challenges, traumas, and bad experiences are opportunities for growth spurts in life. Personal development is on-going, but without problems we’d likely never willingly take them on.
- Trying to “save” others from making the same or similar mistakes to what we experienced is not helping them grow, but quite possibly stifling their growth. One of my favorite quotes (although I’m not sure who wrote it) seems very fitting here… “A ship is safe at harbor, but that’s not what ships are for.”
- When we can recognize the learning in any experience we have had and focus on it instead of the aggravating emotion that brought it to our awareness (i.e. hurt, resentment, jealousy…), we can reap the benefit of the experience and begin growing. This might mean changing our way of thinking from blaming those involved to actually thanking them for bringing this opportunity into our life.
- Although we are all here together and definitely draw strength from our relationships with others, every person’s journey is unique. There is no “one size fits all” answer to any challenge we might be facing. While looking outside of ourselves might give us insight and guidance into directions that will help us, the key to moving forwards will always come from within. In other words, you are the expert in your own life—dig deep and look for the answers that truly resonate for you.
In closing, if you want to really cash in on the personal development opportunities that come your way, accept who you are, embrace life’s challenges as opportunities for personal growth, and let go of any strong, negative emotions you’ve attached to the experience. Sounds simple…but fish hooks aren’t always easy to remove and depending on the number it can take a lot of time, patience and self forgiveness.
Debbie Pokornik is the Chief Empowerment Officer for Empowering NRG and the author of Break Free of Parenting Pressures; Embrace Your Natural Guidance. She believes personal development is key to unlocking life’s little treasures and when people are ready the rewards are great. For more info check out http://www.empoweringnrg.com
No comments:
Post a Comment