All parents will benefit from support at some point in their parenting journey – there is no reason to feel bad about it.
I find it very interesting how most of us recognize parenting as such an important job AND believe we should know all the answers for how to deal with every situation. We understand our children are our future…our future leaders, our future workforce (the people who provide us with services after we’ve retired) and even our future in-laws (pool of people our kids will get to choose their partners from)...and this makes parenting a critical task in our society.
We are also well aware that people have been parenting for eons and that it is one of the most natural roles we will take on in our lifetime. In fact, it is those people who--for a variety of reasons--end up not having children that might be subjected to questioning and raised eyebrows.
The message: We should be able to raise strong, resilient, healthy, caring kids who will contribute positively to our society, and we should be able to do it naturally.
This way of thinking sets parents up for a struggle right from the start. It becomes a job loaded with self-doubt, uncertainty, guilt, confusion, and major stress.
“Am I ruining my child for life?” We wonder, shaking our head at the memory of the blow-out we had just that morning. “Why am I the only one who doesn’t seem to be able to do this right?”…”If I let him get away with that am I spoiling him?”
These are normal questions asked by parents all over the continent and they really do cause us no end of grief. When self-doubt kicks in our performance drops significantly, influencing our patience, our creativity and our tolerance level. So, my thoughts to any parents reading this…
Know that you are perfect at being you—no one else can do as good a job as you can—AND by extension you are the perfect parent for your child.
You will make mistakes, you will have moments when you simply don’t know what to do and you will wish for opportunities to rewind and do it over again differently. These are the moments that help us learn and grow.
If we can tie into our own inner knowledge, keep an open mind in terms of learning new ideas, and be willing to ask for help when things threaten to overwhelm, we will be doing our best job and what more can anyone ask for?
Showing posts with label Rants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rants. Show all posts
Monday, May 3, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
A new understanding...
Recently I had a situation occur in my life that left me taking stock of what’s really important and how I can change my life to really reflect those findings. I’ve been healing for two and a half weeks and while I’m not finished yet I have had several major, a-ha, moments. One of them was in regards to my blog.
As a parent, with a million things on my plate I find writing on a regular basis to be a real challenge. As a result, I write an article for ezine, post it to my blogs, add it to my facebook fanpage and say I am done. The problem is these articles are longer, take time to develop and are first to get dropped when other work related situations arise.
On the other hand, I make myself go daily (sometimes even a few times a day) to update my status on my social media outlets. It dawned on me that rarely do I write a status and not struggle with keeping it so short. So few characters leaves lots of room for misinterpretation and does not allow for examples. As a result, I decided to change the way I am blogging. I am going to use the status updates as my launching pad for a brief yet more informative blog and try to do so daily (except weekends of course).
I will still write longer articles for ezine and include them on my blog, but those can be like bonus pieces added in one or two times per month. Eureka! Perhaps I finally understand blogging.
Until next time…
As a parent, with a million things on my plate I find writing on a regular basis to be a real challenge. As a result, I write an article for ezine, post it to my blogs, add it to my facebook fanpage and say I am done. The problem is these articles are longer, take time to develop and are first to get dropped when other work related situations arise.
On the other hand, I make myself go daily (sometimes even a few times a day) to update my status on my social media outlets. It dawned on me that rarely do I write a status and not struggle with keeping it so short. So few characters leaves lots of room for misinterpretation and does not allow for examples. As a result, I decided to change the way I am blogging. I am going to use the status updates as my launching pad for a brief yet more informative blog and try to do so daily (except weekends of course).
I will still write longer articles for ezine and include them on my blog, but those can be like bonus pieces added in one or two times per month. Eureka! Perhaps I finally understand blogging.
Until next time…
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
The power of communication and the affect it can have on our emotions
Yesterday I had a frustrating and enlightening experience.
My son is starting driver’s ed. at school this week and we have been told to visit one of our driver’s licensing offices (MPI) ahead of time to pick up a customer number. He will require this to write the written test in a few weeks and they highly recommend you pick it up right away.
This process requires very specific identification, but since MPI recognizes this is challenging for most teenagers, they have created a guarantor form to vouch for the child. This form is very similar to the passport verification one and must be signed by a qualified professional who’s known the applicant for at least two years.
Being a keener, I got right on this task and had the guarantor form taken to our Chiropractor in a town about forty minutes away. I carefully read through the MPI brochure my son had brought home and made sure we had everything we’d require. As soon as my son got off the school bus, we grabbed our papers and headed in to our closest MPI office.
Here’s where things got frustrating. I won’t bore you with details except to say that the driver’s ed. people had given out both an old brochure and an old guarantor form. The time I had spent getting things organized was all for naught and we were told we’d have to get a new guarantor form signed and then return to go through the whole thing again.
Here’s the enlightenment piece. Although I’m sure the lady at the MPI office thought she was being very professional with us, she managed to take what was just normal frustration and make me want to explode. She did not care that I had gone to any effort to get the forms signed and appeared to take great pleasure in circling the little numbers that showed the date the form was printed.
“These forms are outdated, they’re no good,” she stated, circling the little 04/07 as if that explained it all. “MPI is very particular – they’ll refuse it so you’ll have to get another one signed. It’s no big deal just get the new one signed by…” she rambled on oblivious to what her tone of voice and problem solving focus was doing to me.
What’s important to note is that by not even trying to put herself in my shoes, she took my frustration at having the wrong form and turned it into anger directly focused at her. I was not ready to problem solve…and it was a big deal! Minimizing the problem did not work in her favour and made me want to snap.
I managed to assertively tell the woman, “I am very frustrated at the moment. I do realize this error is not your fault however that doesn’t change how I’m feeling.” With that I grabbed my forms and walked out of the office, shaking, but with my dignity intact.
My point…this really didn’t need to be a big deal. With just the basic understanding of how to empathize and connect with people I would have been frustrated with the situation but not with that agency or staff person.
These are life skills every person working in customer service need to know. I'm not an easily angered or volatile person…but this situation definitely showed me how things could go in a negative direction. I know I'm responsible for how I feel and behave, but why make it harder on a person?
Those are my thoughts…thanks for listening
My son is starting driver’s ed. at school this week and we have been told to visit one of our driver’s licensing offices (MPI) ahead of time to pick up a customer number. He will require this to write the written test in a few weeks and they highly recommend you pick it up right away.
This process requires very specific identification, but since MPI recognizes this is challenging for most teenagers, they have created a guarantor form to vouch for the child. This form is very similar to the passport verification one and must be signed by a qualified professional who’s known the applicant for at least two years.
Being a keener, I got right on this task and had the guarantor form taken to our Chiropractor in a town about forty minutes away. I carefully read through the MPI brochure my son had brought home and made sure we had everything we’d require. As soon as my son got off the school bus, we grabbed our papers and headed in to our closest MPI office.
Here’s where things got frustrating. I won’t bore you with details except to say that the driver’s ed. people had given out both an old brochure and an old guarantor form. The time I had spent getting things organized was all for naught and we were told we’d have to get a new guarantor form signed and then return to go through the whole thing again.
Here’s the enlightenment piece. Although I’m sure the lady at the MPI office thought she was being very professional with us, she managed to take what was just normal frustration and make me want to explode. She did not care that I had gone to any effort to get the forms signed and appeared to take great pleasure in circling the little numbers that showed the date the form was printed.
“These forms are outdated, they’re no good,” she stated, circling the little 04/07 as if that explained it all. “MPI is very particular – they’ll refuse it so you’ll have to get another one signed. It’s no big deal just get the new one signed by…” she rambled on oblivious to what her tone of voice and problem solving focus was doing to me.
What’s important to note is that by not even trying to put herself in my shoes, she took my frustration at having the wrong form and turned it into anger directly focused at her. I was not ready to problem solve…and it was a big deal! Minimizing the problem did not work in her favour and made me want to snap.
I managed to assertively tell the woman, “I am very frustrated at the moment. I do realize this error is not your fault however that doesn’t change how I’m feeling.” With that I grabbed my forms and walked out of the office, shaking, but with my dignity intact.
My point…this really didn’t need to be a big deal. With just the basic understanding of how to empathize and connect with people I would have been frustrated with the situation but not with that agency or staff person.
These are life skills every person working in customer service need to know. I'm not an easily angered or volatile person…but this situation definitely showed me how things could go in a negative direction. I know I'm responsible for how I feel and behave, but why make it harder on a person?
Those are my thoughts…thanks for listening
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Parenting Infants, the Worries and Uncertainties
Becoming a parent is one of the most life-altering experiences a person can make. One day we are responsible for only ourselves and the next we are in charge of the very survival of another. The overwhelming emotions, the fear of making a mistake, and the unspeakable uncertainty can leave new parents quite breathless. With each successful moment we gain more confidence, only to take two giant steps back any time something goes wrong.
“What’s wrong with him?” asks our well meaning friend as our child screams inconsolably in our arms. “What did you eat? You do know that broccoli, garlic, peanut butter, and eggs –just to name the obvious– are on the banned list while breastfeeding, don’t you?”
Oh no! Why don’t I know this important information? you think, feeling panic bubble up from within. How am I ever going to handle being a parent when I don’t know even the most basic of things?
The point is, parenting comes with loads of uncertainties that many of us are completely unprepared for. While our well meaning friends, family members, and professionals are trying to be helpful, they are actually starting a trend that will continue throughout most of our parenting journey. It is a trend that suggests we should know how to be good parents, and if we don’t we are failing to meet the mark.
When my first born was just a few weeks old the public health nurse came to visit me. She was kind, supportive, and full of great information. Before she left she told me to start giving my son a daily vitamin. This sounded simple as well as healthy, so I had my husband pick some up on his was home from work.
Armed with the nurse’s instructions, I took the required dosage of vitamin and squirted a little bit into my son’s cheek. He spit it out immediately and started to fuss. Since the nurse had said babies loved the taste I decided he was just surprised by the sweetness and squirted the rest of the tiny dose into his cheek. He spit out what he could, screamed, sucked in the sticky syrup, and started to choke.
A panicked expression came over his face as he struggled for breath. I patted his back then flipped him over into the CPR choking baby position, but he continued to struggle for breath. Not knowing what to do, I tried to feed him and thankfully he latched on and washed away the syrup. The whole incident took about a minute and in that time I went from a fairly confident mother of a newborn to a quivering, emotional failure.
When the nurse visited again, she listened to my traumatic story, laughed, and told me I must give him the vitamin anyway. “He’ll stop fighting you once he realizes you mean business.”
Parents are often given this kind of advice. Ignore your inner voice, ignore your child’s protests and do as you have been told. Afraid of making a critical mistake we obey and then wonder where we have failed when things don’t go as planned.
As far as my son is concerned I made a couple more unsuccessful attempts to give him the vitamin before giving up completely. When the nurse asked how it was going, I lied and said all was fine. Yes, I was riddled with guilt and wondered if I was damaging my son for life, but I had to believe that not having vitamins was better for him than daily trauma.
He’s fifteen now and while he does behave erratically at times he’s a healthy kid displaying regular teenage behaviours. I have gained a lot more confidence as a parent and while I’m still far from perfect, I take comfort in knowing none of us will ever reach that status.
I continue to try and do the best I can with what I know and listen to both my children and my inner voice. I research when necessary and search for advice that works with my value system. Most of all, I hold tight to Eleanor Roosevelt’s words of wisdom, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent,” and try not to feel like a failure every time something goes wrong in my parenting experience.
“What’s wrong with him?” asks our well meaning friend as our child screams inconsolably in our arms. “What did you eat? You do know that broccoli, garlic, peanut butter, and eggs –just to name the obvious– are on the banned list while breastfeeding, don’t you?”
Oh no! Why don’t I know this important information? you think, feeling panic bubble up from within. How am I ever going to handle being a parent when I don’t know even the most basic of things?
The point is, parenting comes with loads of uncertainties that many of us are completely unprepared for. While our well meaning friends, family members, and professionals are trying to be helpful, they are actually starting a trend that will continue throughout most of our parenting journey. It is a trend that suggests we should know how to be good parents, and if we don’t we are failing to meet the mark.
When my first born was just a few weeks old the public health nurse came to visit me. She was kind, supportive, and full of great information. Before she left she told me to start giving my son a daily vitamin. This sounded simple as well as healthy, so I had my husband pick some up on his was home from work.
Armed with the nurse’s instructions, I took the required dosage of vitamin and squirted a little bit into my son’s cheek. He spit it out immediately and started to fuss. Since the nurse had said babies loved the taste I decided he was just surprised by the sweetness and squirted the rest of the tiny dose into his cheek. He spit out what he could, screamed, sucked in the sticky syrup, and started to choke.
A panicked expression came over his face as he struggled for breath. I patted his back then flipped him over into the CPR choking baby position, but he continued to struggle for breath. Not knowing what to do, I tried to feed him and thankfully he latched on and washed away the syrup. The whole incident took about a minute and in that time I went from a fairly confident mother of a newborn to a quivering, emotional failure.
When the nurse visited again, she listened to my traumatic story, laughed, and told me I must give him the vitamin anyway. “He’ll stop fighting you once he realizes you mean business.”
Parents are often given this kind of advice. Ignore your inner voice, ignore your child’s protests and do as you have been told. Afraid of making a critical mistake we obey and then wonder where we have failed when things don’t go as planned.
As far as my son is concerned I made a couple more unsuccessful attempts to give him the vitamin before giving up completely. When the nurse asked how it was going, I lied and said all was fine. Yes, I was riddled with guilt and wondered if I was damaging my son for life, but I had to believe that not having vitamins was better for him than daily trauma.
He’s fifteen now and while he does behave erratically at times he’s a healthy kid displaying regular teenage behaviours. I have gained a lot more confidence as a parent and while I’m still far from perfect, I take comfort in knowing none of us will ever reach that status.
I continue to try and do the best I can with what I know and listen to both my children and my inner voice. I research when necessary and search for advice that works with my value system. Most of all, I hold tight to Eleanor Roosevelt’s words of wisdom, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent,” and try not to feel like a failure every time something goes wrong in my parenting experience.
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