There are many times in my life when I say or do things that I really wish I hadn't. Maybe I use a sharp voice, say something hurtful, or roll my eyes at a person...the point is I would love to have some do-overs.
Kids are not different in this department. Sometimes they act without thinking or say something coated with the emotion they are feeling at the moment. Where they are different is in the fact that their communication skills haven't had the years of development that ours have and they are still into testing the process.
As a result I like to offer kids the benefit of the doubt when they say or do something rude. Rather than just jump right to discipline I will often ask, "Do you want a do-over". If they say no or continue to be rude I move into the discipline piece of my job. If they change what they are saying (or how they are saying it) I compliment them and move on.
Very rarely will my kids reject the opportunity for a do-over although sometimes I can tell it is killing them to have to change their behaviour. To me, it's amazing they are able to do it.
I believe by offering my kids this choice, I am giving them a chance to control their behaviour, I'm clearly identifying what is unacceptable in my books and I'm decreasing the amount of discipline I have to do in a day. Seems like a worthwhile venture to me.
Debbie Pokornik assists organizations that work with families overcome engagement issues with parents and gain confidence in their supportive role. For other great parenting tips or to book Debbie for keynotes/workshops, go to http://empoweringnrg.com
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