Parenting…Is it Natural or Learned?

Many of us (females especially) have grown up knowing that one day we will likely become a parent. We recognize that people have been having babies for eons and while it might not always happen the way we expected it to, it is a natural progression in life. The truth is while the actions that get us pregnant would qualify as natural (in most cases), little else of parenting is.

This way of thinking sets us up for all kinds of struggles. When we believe things are natural we tend to believe they will come easily to us and when they do not we feel shocked and embarrassed. We do not want to ask for help or admit that we don’t know the answer. We compare ourselves to the “outside view” of the lives of others and wonder why everyone else seems able to do this job.

In reality, most of what we know about parenting has been taught to us by the people who looked after us when we were young. Our parents, teachers, babysitters, coaches, etc, all had a hand in providing us with tools we can use on our youngsters – good and bad. These tools don’t always fit with our philosophy of parenting and sometimes controlling the urge to use those tools is what makes us question our ability in the first place.

Add to that the fact that our situation is unique in its own right. Our background, our babies, our partners (or lack thereof), our life stressors, our support system, our personality…all influence our experience, making our situation different from every other parent out there. This means we can ask others for ideas or help, but we shouldn’t expect their advice will always be fitting for our situation.

If we really want to be able to embrace the role of parenting and feel good about our performance in that job, we must begin by recognizing that being a good parent will not come naturally to us. On the contrary, parenting requires a lot of personal development – growing beyond where we are at and developing skills we might currently be lacking in. It requires a willingness to learn and ask questions along with a belief in our ability to persevere and make it through whatever challenges this role brings our way.

Parenting, and in fact all personal development, is never easy—but it is what makes us resilient and helps us to grow into the people we always wanted to be.